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(no subject) [Apr. 24th, 2010|09:37 pm]
 oh hey there live journal...
shouldve posted this in january...
he cheated.
yup. guys are awesome!

I moved on, like..the next day.
not emotionally obviously.
there are now 2 boys.
1 i think i'm done with,
but his love is my drug,
i'm not sure what it is about him,
he makes me so angry,
but the minute he starts acting cute,
i completely give in
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(no subject) [Sep. 15th, 2009|07:00 pm]

ryan ryan ryan.
so much different than previous boys.
respects me.
wont cheat.
incredibly thoughtful.

borderline love. it has the possibility.
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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2009|09:11 pm]
i miss him so much.
i'm glad we're friends.
but i sent him an email saying
"i can't talk to you for a couple weeks,
i need to clear my head"
i miss him so so much.
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(no subject) [Apr. 4th, 2009|10:19 am]
jordan and i broke up.
he says he needs time to 'be him'.
aka turn 21 and be single.
i dont hate him,
since these past few weeks he's
made me feel like a friend rather than a gf.
i cried all night,
and i will continue to do so,
for the next week.
i love him.
i can't imagine myself with anyone else.
and now i work with him tonight..
we're still each others best friends,
and i'll always love him,
its gonna be hard to not go up and kiss him.
my one hope in the world is that after he gets over this 'phase'
we get back together...
and realizes what he just let go.
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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2009|11:23 am]
all i really want to do at this moment and head over to somewhere in europe and just bum around. go into little second hand shops. just relax. i think the air in europe smells different. more fresh.

I'm so happy that i did all those touristy things while i was there. but one of my favorite moments was laying on the grass next to the lake watching people in Bern, Switzerland.
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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2009|10:12 am]
soo its official...

i love this boy.
i just have to find a way to tell him
but i think he knows

in other news. the new semester is going pretty dandy. my favorite class by far is carnivore ecology..even if it is at 8am on fridays. oh well. eric teaches it and he's beyond baller. ornithology is good, we have 7 pages of birds to learn tho...so thats gonna suck! wildlife stats(quantitative methods) will be ok since half of it is online anyway. physics and environmental ethics are in a dead heat for last though. not gonna be so much fun.

other than that, spending time in wauapaca with jordan whenever i dont have 8am classes the next day. and being a slave to best buy. its pretty discusting how excited i get about computers now lol.
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(no subject) [Oct. 22nd, 2008|10:10 am]
there's this boy.
and i like him a lot.
but i dont know if i can trust him,
because of what he did to me in the past.
he apologized and i forgave him.
he still apologizes to this day.

it's different than it was before i left for europe.
people keep saying that he really likes me,
but how can i be sure that he's not going to go
start going after some other girl again?
she still calls, but he ignores them.

and now that i'm applying for summer internships,
do i keep him in mind?
what if i get the BCR internship in texas,
will it be a repeat of this summer?

i feel completely at peace when i'm in his arms.
i want him in my bed every night,
just to cuddle.

but trust is a fickle thing
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(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2008|12:11 am]
 so theres this boy.
and i think i like him.
a lot.
and just when i realize this.
i'm about to leave for europe.
for a month.
oh woe is me.

what does it mean,
when he makes me angry//upset,
but he's the only one that can cheer me up?
i can't describe it.

yeah. i like him.
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i had the most ridiculous dream... [Apr. 6th, 2008|02:08 pm]

the part i can specifically remember, is that my fam came home from somewhere and i went upstairs to our balcony and my sister put all the cats there with this like dry veggies/fruits as food. so i opened the door, they all ran out, and i grabbed the food, and ran downstairs and i guess ppl were having an intense convo (includign oprah and this other guy i that i recognize but dunno who it is) and i scream FUCK THAT LOOK WHAT SARA LEFT THE FUCKING CATS TO EAT WHILE WE WERE GONE. WHAT A BITCH. WTF SERIOUSLY. and so my dad got really angry that i was interrupting them, so he grabbed my head with both his hands and he was like 'no one cares' and then crushed my head and i tried to get him to let go but he wouldn't. ya know when you make a dent in an egg? its not broken but there are a bunch of lil pieces all still connected? well that was my head.

yeah i woke up crying.

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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2008|10:53 pm]
 i hate the way i look.
i hate that i overreact.
i hate that i'm so irresponsible with money that my dad doesn't trust me anymore.
i hate that i don't appreciate what life has given to me.
i hate that i contemplate suicide but konw that i'm way to much of a chicken to ever do it.
i hate the way i look.
i hate that i can't look past all the bad little things in my life and realize how good my life is.
i hate that i don't trust a single person in the world. not even myself.
i hate that i can't put life into perspective.
i hate that i drink to make myself feel better.
i hate that i am so dependant on my parents for money for school.
i hate that i can't get my act together.

hate hate hate.


such a strong word.
i need to get better. i just ugh. hate life.
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